Two steps forward one step back

Well, as always things have been crazy busy around here. Sir is almost done with school for the term and work has been going strong for me. I applied for an open position, with a company with whom I had previously been offered a position, a couple a weeks ago and now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I hear something soon. I've never been good at waiting, and this is even harder because it could change everything at home. 

We are headed home for the Christmas holiday in a couple of weeks. My grandmum offered to fly us home because she has yet to meet her great grandson. And as the son of her favoured granddaughter, and the first born blood great grandchild, it is important to her that they meet. I had hoped to celebrate the holiday here, as a family of three, attending Christmas liturgy at our parish with little bug's godfather, but that won't be the case. 

I don't want to sound ungrateful for this gift, and I realize that I am, but I wanted our decision to make the financially sound decision to be the final decision regarding this matter. I did not want family interference or offerings. I just wanted to be. 

On a happier note, Sir and I seem to be doing much better. It has now been almost a month since we've had a serious argument, and we are laughing much more now. Our sex life could use some work, but with everything going on, and sharing our bedroom with little bug, time and space are two luxeries that we simply don't have at the moment. But he's been stepping up much more, and the bamboo has come out a couple of times, as has his natural dominance. We seem to be in a good place. Am I satisfied with where we are? For now it works, like I said, we have very little time and space. But we have made the decision to move into a larger apartment next summer which will definitely help. And if I am offered a position with the company then he will be able to leave his job, which will give both of us more energy. 

Sir opened up to me the other night about some of his fears about being a dom. One of them I'm hoping to get some readers advice with. He is concerned that being dominate is the same thing as being selfish and that in being a dom he won't be as good of a husband or man to me. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom to that?

Being still and changes

Things have been quiet on this end these last several weeks as far as TTWD is concerned. Our lives outside of TTWD have been anything but however. 

It's frustrating how the moment I take time off from life, things that had needed a bit of TLC before suddenly need a visit to the ER of life. We spent a good chunk of time discussing (I use that phrase extremely loosely) our marriage and our future plans for our lives. The only thing not discussed was TTWD. He never wanted to talk about it, and I didn't want to push him. It was probably one of the most frustrating months we've had in a long time, in part because of that reason. I never understood why he refused to talk about something that he knew was incredibly important to me, and I assumed was important to him as well. And it was incredibly painful not having that in our lives. 

But, we've come around to a good place. We've discovered a really healthy means of communicating about difficult topics, via writing back and forth to each other. It gives each person a chance to lay out what they have to say, with out the rising tempers that normally accompany a certain sort of discussion. 

This month has been challengingin other   unexpected ways. When I started my break I had no intention of looking at grad schools. I really thought I was done for a while. And then something sort of fell into my lap that changed my mind; an invitation to a MBA admissions event at a local very prestigious university. I went at the serious urging of Sir and my therapist, not planning on doing anything with the experience, just intending on using it as an excuse to get out of the apartment for the day. But the experience I had that day really changed where I thought I was going. So I'm working on getting my application in, and we will see where that takes me. In addition to grad school though a work opportunity presented itself. A position with a regional company opened up that fits my experience to the T. Again, I wasn't planning on moving positions, I love where I'm at, and the ability to work from home and be with little bug is so important to me. But having a position with financial security would be huge. As would the fact that Sir could leave his current job and be a stay at home dad and full time student. So I'll apply, and see where that takes me. 

It's really been a month of changes that were unexpected. There has been growth, and tears, and anger throughout. But at the end of it, it's been a good month. Our marriage is finally getting the hard work and dedication it needs, and TTWD is still present. Not as much as I would like, but there is definitely dialogue.