Three months

Sir and I are approaching our three month check up on the contract that we signed this spring. When we signed it, it was under the understanding that we would be checking up one month post, three months post, and then one year post signing. This way neither of us would be stuck in a contract when we wanted out. As we approach the three month check up I'm getting a bit nervous though. We've had quite the last couple of months, we've made several life changing decisions, we've had one very large life changing event happen (the birth of our first child),  and we are just now starting to come out a very difficult place. Not only that, but the day marking three months will be while I'm out of town visiting family so we won't even be able to discuss this properly until I return.

I'm not sure how he is feeling about our relationship at this point. And that scares me.

Long ago I realized that at heart I'm a sub. In my public life I am dominate because I need to be. But when I let down my guard, nothing makes me happier than following the lead of my Sir and submitting to him. However, my Sir and husband seems to struggle with this. I keep wanting more dominance, more service, more kneeling at his feet. And instead I find myself floundering in a wave of his uncertainty. To be fair to him, we have both been so busy with the birth of our little one, and the summer we've been going through; our D/s relationship, outside of our basic rituals, is often pushed to the side simply because we are too busy trying to figure out where we are going in life and who's turn it is to feed little bug. But at the end of the day, I still wonder if he wants my submission as much as I desire and need his dominance.

I guess we shall see.