Oh snap, he meant it. And I didn't like it.

Things have been going well-ish this week, with both of us just trying to get everything done that we need to get done in general, like work and school and so forth, plus making sure that we are spending time with his family. It's been a definite challenge and is thus far involving late nights spent on homework for him and me catching up on my work. Thank goodness for our friendly coffee pot!

Things did come to a bit of a brutal standstill Monday night after we got home from spending the evening out. Tempers were high all around, little bug was way too tired, and we were both tipsy. Never a good combination. After putting little bug down we snuggled on the couch for a bit with some hard cider, just rehashing the evening.

I'd been in a bit of a mood that day dealing with a work project plus just the stress of his family and I hadn't handled it super well, snapping at him and talking down to him. He thought it would be a grand idea to inform his mum that I was in a mood.

My only thought: well duh, and guess what, cranky just decided to come out of her closet and join her best friends bitchy and snarky. After he said that he pretty much gave me my space (or avoided me, it was hard to tell) for the rest of the evening when we were all together. So by time we got home we were both just pretty mad.

Snuggling on the couch did seem to help both of us until the conversation turned to my attitude which then lead to more serious conversations. At one point he told me that he didn't think that he was the man that I needed right now and my heart sank like an high speed elevator.

Do you want my collar back?

No, I just wanted you to know what I was thinking.

Oh, alrighty then...

We kind of left the conversation at that, turning to different topics but in my head I was freaking out. What was going on, was this the end? Were we calling it quits?? Ahhhhh. All of this was still happening until we decided it was time to head to bed and instead of our bedroom he directed me downstairs to the basement for my maintenance spanking. I was a bit confused about this, given what he had told me but did as directed and assumed the position. Nothing but the panties on, bent over holding on to a metal pole in the center of the room. The cropping hurt like hell that night, but was exactly what I needed. Feeling the pain wash over me, working it's way through my system pushing out all of my thoughts and just letting my emotions go. When it was done he held me to him while stroking my hair, not saying anything just letting me catch my breath. And then we went and snuggled in bed, his arms wrapped around me, my head on his chest.

Nothing more was said about that conversation and I decided that if he wanted to end things he would tell me. Yesterday was better, I had a very lengthy conversation with m'mum about how things were going about our marriage thus far (ok it was much more of a me sobbing on the phone to her, and her listening patiently and commenting when needed). Despite not knowing the specifics of our relationship, namely the D/s side of things, she's seen him call me out numerous occasions. Telling me to knock it off when needed. And she reminded me of this after I told her that I was starting to pick fights just because I was in a bad mood. Wise mother that she is she suggested I needed to go work out, and when I had something critical to say that wasn't necessary I should just kiss him or keep my mouth shut. This conversation helped tremendously. I felt hopeful about everything again, and especially about him.

Last night was an unexpectedly family free evening (thank the good Lord) and we had a good time cooking together and talking about this and that. I was being a bit sassy and not thinking a lot about it until he apparently had had enough. Grabbing me and pushing me down against the counter with my face practically in the sink, he proceeded to spank me, hard, asking me if I was done. This caught me completely off guard. He was serious about it. And it pissed me off. So I said no, and stamped on his foot. Not the smartest move on my part. He proceeded to spank me even harder, holding me down and not letting me get away until I said that I was done. We went back to cooking and didn't say anything about the incident, just acted like it didn't happen for the rest of the evening. But I reined in my sassy self and was more careful about how I spoke to him.

But my mind was in all sorts of uproar.

How dare he spank me, I didn't do anything to deserve it, I was just being my sassy fabulous self. 
Bastard. This TOTALLY wasn't what I had agreed upon. 

And then I realized that it was. But this was the first time that he had made a move without my asking him to do so. And it was deserved, and it wasn't my choice when he punished me. It was his. Holy hell it was a turning point. He really is in control, this isn't just something that we dabble in. It's real, and I'm getting exactly what I asked for.

I think shit's just gotten real.