Sir's family is in town this week. Visits from them always stress me out for various reasons, but the primary one is that I'm simply still uncomfortable with my mil. She disapproves of several of our life choices, and of what Sir is looking at doing post graduation. And more seriously she disapproved of Sir and I having little bug (she is now head over heels in love with him, thank God) but it left a bad taste in my mouth. They are staying in a hotel several miles away though and we are only spending afternoons and evenings with them because Sir and I are both working and he has classes so the visit shouldn't be nearly as stressful as the last one.
She is also a very dominate person and is in many ways the lead in her and my fil's marriage which makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'm ok with her being dominate, I can totally be an alpha female when I need to be and am working on establishing some boundaries, but when she starts bossing Sir and my fil around it makes me really upset. Sir isn't one to rock the boat unless he has too, and rarely will he say anything negative to his mum, so I'm left feeling irritated at a man who I know could easily stand up for himself but is refusing to do so. All very frustrating for the both of us.
With the added stress of the family visit I tend to revert back to my previous more dominate ways in an effort to keep my own stress levels down and I'm really working this visit on not doing that. His family operates in a totally different way from my family and while I struggle with that I'm working on just going with the flow rather than having a "5 point plan" for the day. I'm also working on just letting him take the lead and instead am focusing on making sure that little bug is taken care of and just trying to enjoy the visit. He'll make sure that things happen how they need to happen. (Ok, I am coordinating with his mum tomorrow regarding our afternoon plans, but that is simply because Sir is in class for most of the day and can't do it as easily as I can). In some ways the timing of this visit, given what transpired last week, is a really good thing because it's forcing me to step back and take stock in my own behaviour in light of everything.
We've added daily maintenance spankings to the equation and I'm hoping those help keep my head in the right place. We shall see!
i really hope that this visit isn't as stressful as those in the past.
ReplyDeleteThanks :-) It's been easier mainly because I'm trying to not let everything get to me. And with my stress levels elevated before they got here a bit more really isn't going to do a lot!
DeleteMy FIL disapproved of several of our life choices for a long, long time, and every visit from them (thankfully only 2x a year, but for 2 weeks at a time) was like a waiting-on-nails session for him to start the inevitable "What are you doing with your life?" conversation.
ReplyDeleteAs parents ourselves, living happily and self-sufficiently, who were almost in our thirties, it seemed a little excessive.
Our circumstances changed considerably since then and he has finally stopped grilling us. But it was pretty horrible before.
My hope for you is that your MIL eventually realizes you're happy and leaves you be. :)
Thus far she has only made one or two more disparaging remarks! A definite plus for this trip. And overall they have been enjoyable to be around this week. Thank the good lord. I think she might be seeing that we can take care of ourselves, and of little bug.
DeleteShe sounds like my grandmother *shudder* Fingers crossed it all goes well, and I'm happy to hear about the spankings! :)
ReplyDeleteThe spankings are beautiful things:-) And I think your grandmum and my grandmum could get along nicely!! My side of the family has the crazy relatives, his side may question our life choices, but my grandmum is the epitome of crazy.
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